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I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

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Was everything black and white, all or nothing, love or hate, ecstacy or despair, with few in-betweens? Furthermore, whether it was published in the 1980's or now, it lacks a feminist analysis which in turn normalizes violence (and in particular intimate partner violence) and heterosexist stereotypes about women and men's behaviors and emotions. My psychologist recommended this to me after we discussed tramatic incidents that occured with two separate long term partners. Divorce puts unthinkable pressure on young children that they do not have emotional maturity to handle. They may seem to reward those who tell them the negative that they want to hear, while punishing you when you tell the positive or well-intentioned truth.

The authors mention, in several places, the connection between insecure (anxious) attachment and BPD. My biggest beef is that he portrays people with a BPD diagnosis as irrational, sociopathic, narcissistic monsters.

Although the [person] may not be consciously aware of this dilemma, [they] frequently place a friend or relationship in a no-win situation in which the other person is condemned no matter which way [they] go. However, if the following progression of stages seems like a journal of your relationship, then I Hate You, Don't Leave Me will definitely be of great interest to you. As a mental health professional, I can say that I found this book to be among the best written to help a person better understand their spouse, friend, parent, sibling, etc. It's the second time I've bought it as I've lent my original copy out so many times I've now lost track of who has it.

Most of the cut-and-dry science in this book is accurate, but the cut-and-dry science makes up only a very small portion of the book, the rest of which is filled with baseless speculation, Freudian psychoanalysis, just-so stories, and random anecdotes. Furthermore, their inability to integrate past events with the present may manifest in a habit of staring at pictures of people to "keep them alive in their brain" or carrying "security blankets" to remind them of people or places.He is constantly building up women with BPD as some kind of supernatural sexual other bent causing chaos for the good, family men around her. In most cases, these manageable aches and pains contrast with rewarding feelings of intimacy and shared happiness to create a healthy balance. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. This expanded and revised edition remains as accessible and useful as its predecessor and will reestablish this book as the go-to source for those diagnosed with BPD, their family, friends, and colleagues, as well as professionals and students in the field. Also, the consistent use of gendered pronouns (particularly “he/his”) was distracting and rather annoying.

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