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Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

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Years ago, after months of dealing with post-partum depression after giving birth to my first child, my GP suggested I talk to a therapist to help me through the depression. And unless you think Mother Teresa's lifelong effort to serve others and relieve suffering is on par with Jeffrey Dahmer's lifelong path of sadism, death and destruction, then you too believe that some paths are inherently higher than others. However, we need to realize we are also a part of the world and do have some control over what happens; and that a healthy adult realizes that and is able to be assertive without being attached.

It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. It was especially the third question of the work that bothered me the most - "Who would you be without this thought? As Katie explains, everything in our lives can be defined as one of three kinds of business: mine, yours and God's. I actually got the tools necessary to help me deal with my emotional reactions to situations going on around me. This took me awhile to figure out, as to why I wasn't jiving with her application of the basic premise of the book, which I agreed and agree with - that it's generally much more healthy to accept what is rather than resist or argue with it.Statements like, "Only you can cause your depression" are irresponsible and can cause serious harm if people who need professional help choose not to seek it because "Byron Katie said I should be able to think myself out of this. After writing down everything you feel about a painful situation, relationship or feeling in your life, the first question demands a reality check. As we do The Work of Byron Katie, not only do we remain alert to our stressful thoughts—the ones that cause all the anger, sadness, and frustration in our world—but we question them, and through that questioning the thoughts lose their power over us. When I am discontent, it is because I cannot accept some person, place or principle that is not as I want. She describes self-inquiry as an embodiment, in words, of the wordless questioning that had woken up in her on that February morning.

Stress isn't caused by events or people in your life, but by your interpretation of events or the actions of friends and lovers. So we can move on to other people and strategies without blaming them, though we allow ourselves, compassionately, to feel disappointed, and take that disappointment as our soul's wisdom that we do need to move on and set that boundary perhaps. Peace in the Present Moment, with Eckhart Tolle, A Friendly Universe, and, for children, Tiger-Tiger, Is It True?

As reports spread about the transformations they felt they were experiencing through The Work, she was invited to present it publicly elsewhere in California, then throughout the United States, and eventually in Europe and across the world. In this hypothetical situation, your stress grows as you try to find ways to make your partner love you again. If you continue to do The Work, you may discover, as many people have, that the questioning flows into every aspect of your life, effortlessly undoing the stressful thoughts that keep you from experiencing peace. The idea that "he shouldn't be dishonest" can be turned around to "I shouldn't be dishonest" and become a great opportunity to ponder my own personal commitment to honesty.

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