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In the recent article by Sarah Robsdottir, “5 Reasons Catholics should watch Shtisel,” the Israeli scripted show featuring the lives of ultra-Orthodox in Jerusalem, they list, no “embarrassing” sex scenes, the prayers, an inspirational religious community and, for all the proud #myOrthodoxLife-ers, “ingenious” and “successful” female characters. How would you feel if you had cooked and cleaned and served and then had to sit through an entire meal without being allowed to participate in the conversation?” I asked him. “I’m not a woman,” he replied. “That’s not what God wants from me.” Julia could have told her husband she didn’t want to host the Purim seudah and invite all these bochurim over. She could have asked him to get tipsy and not drunk. This cruel, mean-spirited option does not paint her in a good light. I would not want a person like this to be my friend.
Propulsive and unforgettable, Julia's story is the journey from the world of 'no' to the world of 'yes'. She is an inspiration for women everywhere to find their freedom, their purpose and their voice. Within a week of her escape, Julia started a shoe brand, and within nine months she was at Paris for fashion week. A year later, she became creative director of La Perla, the world-leading lingerie brand. And now, she is the co-owner and CEO of Elite World Group, and one of the most powerful people in the fashion industry. So Julia created a double life. When no one was looking, she'd sneak looks at fashion magazines and sketch designs for the clothes she dreamed about wearing in the world beyond her orthodox suburb. In the ultra-orthodox world, clothing has one purpose: to cover the body, head to toe. Giving any thought to one's appearance beyond that is considered sinful, an affront to God. She started clandestinely selling life insurance to save her "freedom" money. At the age of forty-two, she finally mustered the courage to flee the fundamentalist life that was strangling her soul.
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When I first became creative director of La Perla, I was given media training and guidelines about what to say and what not to say, etc., when I was being interviewed by the press. As usual, I showed up to the media training session wearing a low-cut top and a very mini miniskirt. The instructor... told me that if I wanted to be taken seriously and become respected, I could not wear low-cut tops and miniskirts. You should have seen my face, I explained, very politely and calmly, my stance on this matter. I told them I would wear whatever made me happy, and that people would learn to respect me anyway. To me, real feminism is what I call feminine feminism. You don't need to pretend to be a man to be respected. You don't need to dress like a man to be taken seriously. Enjoy being a woman. Luxuriate in your curves. And stand up and claim that boardroom. True freedom is being yourself-not having to hide your curves, your personality, your opinions.
Those were terrible, sleepless nights. I was at a total loss. For as long as I could remember since I was fourteen, I knew what my future would look like. We had even chosen the furniture, and now I felt totally untethered, confused, and so alone. He had always been there for me. My knight in the shining green Camry. An ex-friend of Julia’s outed her and her real age to her social circle. Julia did not confess the truth when that happened. She continued with her lie. As she writes: And she's vowed to continue to help women who want to leave behind a fundamentalist life if they want.Eventually, when her youngest daughter, Miriam, started to question why she wasn't allowed to sing, run or ride a bike, Julia reached her breaking point. She knew that if she didn't find a way to leave, her daughters would be forced into the same unending servitude. In terms of helping individual people, I want to create some kind of safe space, where I can hire therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist," Haart said, to offer the professional support. "I know what I felt like when I left. I was suicidal. I was not well," referring to the personal feelings that led her to leave. From the star of Netflix's My Unorthodox Life , a riveting, inspiring memoir. Julia Haart tells the story of her extraordinary journey, from leaving an ultra-Orthodox Jewish community to becoming one of the most influential people in fashion.
There is an ascetic approach to sexuality in Judaism (which is typically not practiced- read Marital Intimacy by Avraham Peretz Friedman to learn more about the sources and texts and the joyful sexuality most Orthodox Jews embrace). However, even there there is a halakhic obligation of onah , ensuring the wife’s sexual fulfillment, gratification and pleasure. I don’t know how the rabbi could have failed to teach this to Yosef, or if Yosef simply missed that part, but it’s very distressing that this was the foundation for their relationship.
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He also taught Yosef a saying from the Torah: “Al tarbeh sicha im ha easha,” which literally means, “Don’t talk to a woman a lot.” This saying, believe it or not, exhorts a husband to refrain from speaking too frequently to his own wife! This idea being, if you’re not allowed to speak to her often, how much more does this apply to women who are not your wife? Rav Reuven taught Yosef that he shouldn’t spend too much time in my company, and that kissing and caressing me before the actual act was not only unnecessary but sinful and harmful to his desire of being a great rabbi. Sex was an act that was a mitzvah, or a positive commandment between a married man and woman, only if it was done with the holiest and purest of intentions and not born from pleasure or desire. Like my kallah teacher said to me, Rav Reuven told Yosef over and over that he should be thinking solely of God when he touched me and had intercourse with me, and that he should be reciting psalms in his mind as he came. Likewise, she actively contradicts herself--which is very human, but that doesn't help me, as a reader, understand her point. This is a shame as her journey to becoming creative director of this company is what attracted myself and my book club to the story. But, she added, "I just want to get rid of the fundamentalist part." That goes for fundamentalism in any religion that restricts women's choices and roles and freedom. When we see stereotypes and misinformation that is concerning to us as a community. we feel misrepresented," Fleksher said. "We want to stand up for our stories."
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